Angie Minard

angelcat4 @ 2007-06-21T17:38:00

2007-06-21T22:43:56Z

Last year around this time, my husband and I went on a trip to Italy. My family is from Sicily, and I had always dreamt of going there. We visited Rome and Sicily. I would love to someday take my whole family there for a summer and rent a little house in the Italian countryside. Maybe when I win the lottery! Anyway, thinking about our trip inspired me to write a poem about a young Italian couple in love. Here it is...
P.S. I cannot figure out the lj-cut thing, so sorry! Help?

The Flower Market

Oh! This would be

the perfect bouquet.

Walking on air

in a cloud

of white.
He smiles at her

with sheer delight.

She is

his glowing bride,

and he,

her handsome knight.

Her hands

clasped tight

around the stems,

he just can't help

his silly grin.

Let's pretend,

just you

and me.

Strolling through

the flower market

in old Italy.

Good vs Bad

2007-06-21T21:41:13Z

Good list /Bad list

colors /darkness

books/ hands

kittens/ the smell of fear

babies /sudden loud noises

quiet rain in the afternoon /fingernails on a chalkboard

violins/ stretch marks

watermelon jolly ranchers/ ipecac

swings/teeter totters

butterfly kisses/ angry shouting

wishing/ unanswered prayers

diet soda /root beer

the back of a little boys neck /cigarette breath

fuzzy caterpillars/ spiders

stars /thunder

pink clouds/ whispered hate

floppy velvet beagle ears /being lost

the smell of Dave's chest in the middle of the night /being left

Control

2007-06-14T22:59:45Z

I don't even know where to start right now. I am an adult woman, but if anyone had overheard the conversation that I had with my husband this morning, they would have thought that he was speaking to a child. Why does he think that he can tell me how to spend my free time? He would like to plan my schedule around his wants and needs. I'm so sick of it. I woke up at 5:30 this morning. I wrote and worked on my poetry website and for most of that time the rest of the family, including him, was still asleep. It is as if anything that I do just for me doesn't count. I should have been doing laundry, or cleaning, or any of the other hundreds of things that need to be done around here. I have been trying to balance my time so that no one feels slighted, but no matter what, it is never good enough. I'm just so frustrated right now, and so tired of feeling like I have no control over my own life.

Fighting For Light (Poetry)

2007-06-11T21:56:21Z

Fighting For Light

Inside out,

outside in

Fight the weakness,

don’t hold it all in.

Push away the ugliness.

Kick and scream.

Today...
it is only a dream.

Find the strength

to bury the shame.

Suffocate the cries,

kept hidden deep within.

Free the voices,

adrift in the wind.

Still the mind,

with thoughts

pure and bright.

Relinquish the pain.

Bring forth a new light!

A Walk In The Wind

2007-06-07T15:27:38Z

It has already been an emotional day for me. There is a girl here in Kansas that was ubducted on Saturday, and they just found her body. I turned on the television this morning and there it was on the news. The man that killed her has been caught and he lived right here in my own community. She was taken at the same Target store that I often go to. It just hit so close to home and really upset me. A young vibrant girl with her whole life ahead of her, just stolen and discarded in a lake. It is hard to make sense of it. My heart just breaks for her family. Tears already shed today.Sometimes this world is a scary place. I need to do something to distract myself from all of my fears, so I think I will take a nice long walk. It is so windy here today, but I'm going anyway. I need to get rid of some of this sadness and anger that is inside of me. I also just bought the new Tori Amos, and Corinne Bailey Rae, so I have some new tunes to listen to. I'm off to walk in the wind.

Therapy

2007-06-07T12:14:13Z

I have had a lot of therapy this week! Monday and Wednesday I saw my therapist, and Tuesday Dave and I had couples therapy. I also saw my nutritionist last night. I should be so mentally healthy! I have been worried lately about weight gain and relapsing, but I feel so much better about that after talking with both my therapist and nutritionist. They both assured me that I'm in a much healthier place now than I was before, and that a relapse would not look or feel the same if it were to happen. I trust them, and I'm NOT the same woman that walked through my therapists door over a year ago. That feels good! Couples therapy was good. Dave and I have a couple of books we are going to read together about sexual trauma, and how it affects our relationship. I'm a little afraid to start working through some of that, but I also know that I'm strong enough to be able to handle it. I'm also going to be working on it more in my therapy sessions. The emotions that are attached to the rape are the hardest ones for me to look at, and I tend to block them when they come up, but I also know that if they aren't addressed, I'm not going to fully recover. I mostly think that I'm ready. It's going to be tough though. My husband is so sweet, and he wants so much to be able to help, but so often I push him away. I'm learning that it is okay to need him and to ask him for help. I've really been working on that. It feels good to finally feel like I'm getting somewhere. Maybe I really will make it over that wall!

Cheers

2007-06-05T18:16:41Z

Here's to reconnecting with old friends. Cheers!

Last night I went out with my old high school chum, and talked for over three hours! I remembered why we became friends in the first place. She is still a beautiful, talented, interesting and funny woman, and we have great taste in friends! I'm looking forward to some fun times with her in the future. We are probably going to end up causing quite a bit of trouble!:)

I'm going to the book store later, so if anyone has any recommendations, that would be great! I'm planning on catching up on my reading this summer.

Insomniaaaah!

2007-06-04T12:32:27Z

A sleepless night again. I'm a once or twice a week insomniac. It drives my husband crazy! I can't just lie in bed if I'm not going to fall asleep. My mind just goes too crazy if I do that. Have you ever closed your eyes and felt like everything you ever did in your life was put on fast forward? That is what my head does when I can't sleep!

I have a busy day planned with my boys. I have decided to let them each pick out a color to paint their bedrooms, and then let the painting begin! Should prove to be fun and interesting to say the least. Black is OFF LIMITS though. Thankfully my 16 yr old seems to be ending his emo/goth phase. Black was his world for awhile. Hair dyed jet black, beautiful curls ironed into stick straight submission. I kept my mouth shut. Not a battle that I'm going to pick, but I'm happy that it has run it's course! I also have a 14 yr old, an 11 yr old, and a 10 yr old. All boys, all the time! I'm learning things about boys that I don't even WANT to know. I have 3 nieces, so I can get my girl fix with them!

This evening I am meeting up with an old friend from high school that I haven't seen since we graduated 20 yrs ago! Time just speeds by, doesn't it? I'm really looking forward to seeing her and catching up. Well, that's my plan. It looks like it is going to be a beautiful day:)

Sunday Morning Musings

2007-06-03T11:05:17Z

All that I can say is cinnamon in my coffee on an early Sunday morning, Yum! I'm up early for no particular reason. I love the feeling of having the whole day stretched out before me. Oh, the possibilities! Husband and children are still snoozing in their beds, and the dog at my feet, as hopeful as I am. What to do, what to do... I'm thinking that I will surprise the boys with do-nuts this morning. Of course that will mean sugar and sugar means four wild boys running through my house, but what the hell! I'll be the best mom in the world for a few hours!

1st Journal Entry

2007-06-03T05:01:31Z

This is my 1st journal entry on LiveJournal. The beginning. A new way of viewing myself and the world, I hope. This year has been quite a journey for me. It was almost exactly a year ago that I let go of a secret that I had kept for thirty years. Secrets can literally eat you alive. I'm a recovering anorexic, so I should know! I've been aware of my weight since I was seven years old. I was sitting in church, and noticed the spread of each thigh against the hard, wooden pew. The women in my family were constantly on one crazy diet or another. I tucked it all away, like children do, to take out and examine at another time. My parents divorced when I was eight. I had previously been raised in a strict Italian/Catholic family. When my mom left my father, my younger brother and I, along with my mom of course, where disowned by my fathers family. It was quite a shock to suddenly be raised in a single parent household. My mom raised my brother and I on a waitresses salary. I don't know how she did it, but she did! My father moved to another state, so contact was minimal. The summer that I turned eleven, my brother and I spent the summer with my dad and his girlfriend. That summer forever changed who I was and how I saw myself. My dad was using drugs, and we were unsupervised the majority of the time. There were people in and out of the apartment we stayed in, and I ended up being raped by two men late one night while everyone was strung out on drugs. I never told. Until last summer. I had a relapse with the anorexia, and my husband talked me into therapy. I had struggled with the eating disorder since college, but had managed to avoid getting real help. I had never forgotten about the rape, but I tried so hard to bury it deep inside. One night I just blurted it out to my husband. A shock to both of us! He was so supportive and encouraged me to tell my therapist. I've been on a journey ever since. I think that the hardest was telling my mom. I didn't want her to ever blame herself, and I knew that she would. Guilt and blame. I hate them both. Getting past them is so much hard work for all of us, but we are all piecing our lives back together bits at a time. One whole year. I've come a long way.